Being an adult has it's perks.

Sometimes.

And other times it's just difficult. Especially when money is involved. It's stressful. And when it feels overwhelming, I begin to wish that my parents were taking care of all of the bills again.

I'm realizing, however, that the issue isn't the weight of responsibility that adulthood graces us with. The issue is that I'm being faced with my inability to truly trust God with everything.

When finances are tight, and opportunities seem to be slipping away. I freak out. Because I can't control them, and I don't have the unlimited resources to change that. I really do have to trust that God is going to take care of it. All of it. And in his time, it is going to be done...the right way. The best way.

And even though I know this, I still revert to the childlike voice inside my head that cries for what I want. Now. And God, being the patient Father that he is, waits until my little tantrum or fit of worry is over. He bends down and sweetly reminds me that I have no reason to fear. He reminds me that the birds are fed and the lilies are clothed. Why wouldn't he do the same for me?

I want to trust more deeply.

p.s. i love these guys.

to be reminded

It seems as though I have to be retaught so many truths about God. No matter how many times I hear it my understanding dissipates, and I find myself in the same position as before.


This time it involves me trusting his provision and timing. I know that he will take care of me and will never be too late in his response to my needs. And yet I worry about the future, about my job, about so many things.


Today he proved to me again that he has everything under control. And as usual I return in humility to praise him and thank him for the provision and grace that I don't deserve.


He's given me the opportunity to have a job with Anthropologie. I didn't expect this to be the path that ventured down, but it is an extremely exciting and promising opportunity.


It's a full time position with benefits, steady hours, a chance to use my creativity, and even a 401k plan (it's so adult sounding). It's not official yet, but will be in the next week or so.


I'm so thankful that I have God that loves me and knows what's good for me more than I do myself. He can make plans based on his knowledge of the past, present, and future, and all I have to do is respond. Wow. It just blows me away every time.


Although I have to keep relearning these things, I am grateful for his patience with me. And I rejoice when it takes me less and less time to realize I am reliving the pattern. Maybe one day I can immediately surrender my worry, and actually fully trust him. I desperately want to.

p.s. i'm famous

ok i'm not really famous.


BUT while i was in dc, i went to my friend's church in Georgetown. while there this girl Kaarin flagged me down. she writes a fashion blog and wanted to post my outfit on her site.


i have to admit, i think i immediately started blushing and then awkwardly posed for her photo. but secretly, i feel kind of cool. haha.

hmmm...

this weekend was supposed to be relaxing because it was my first weekend off since i've moved. however, for various reasons, it wasn't.


some good things came out of it though. one in particular is that it sparked a lot of thought about habits i have, where i am right now, and where i want to be. and parts of those things need to be reexamined against the thoughts and desires of God because some of those things are not lining up.


and i want them to.

purpose

sometimes i get really impatient working retail. 

i get tired of people being pushy and treating me like i'm not even a person - just something who brings them what they want.

i get tired of people getting mad at me for things that aren't my fault.

i get tired of money and how much money people spend on nothing.

i get upset with how much i, myself, want things that i don't need, and how this job encourages that materialism.

i am upset with how purposeless my job is, how defeated it makes me feel, and how i can't find a job that doesn't do this to me.

i know this is how God is providing for me right now, I just wish he could provide in a different. i know that is selfish and whiney, but it's true.

sometimes i do silly things, and when i run back to God with scraped-up knees and a wounded heart he just replies, "silly little girl. come back into my arms and let me take care of you. i love you. let's make this better." 


well, that's what i feel he's doing right now. and i have to say, i'm so thankful he is (and always will).