Sometimes I wonder if I will ever have the ability to not do ridiculous things all of the time. I feel like I make a fool of myself so often. Most of the time it's when I speak, but my oddities also seem to be exemplified in any attempt at physical activity (even simply walking).

Today it was riding a bike. Crashing might be a better description. The first day I have my new bike, and I manage to rack up enough damage to cost me about one hundred dollars.

The interesting thing about this to me is that it seems to echo so many moments in my life. I get so excited about so many things, and so often I fail miserably (or at least it feels that way). It's such an enormous part of being human though. And most of the time I want to be upset or angry with myself, as if that would make anything better. But tonight, after doing a bit of spazzing out, I realized something.

Every time I crash, fall, or am taken down by my own absurd actions, it should force me to let God hold me in his arms. Tonight Jordan was talking about her dad and reminded me of when my dad would carry me to my bed when I was asleep. Sometimes I would fake being asleep because I loved it so much. I felt so safe, so at home in his arms. And yet when God wants so badly to patch up my wounds, and be the one to make up for the areas I lack (coordination probably being one of them), I ignore or pull away. And that, I think, is the most ridiculous thing about me. I know I feel safe and at home in his arms. Why don't I stay there?